So what do you want to know?

MoniqueWillKnow@gmail.com


*Disclaimer*

Please don't go basing your PhD Thesis on anything I write here.
The information I provide comes with no guarantee of accuracy, and I'm just as likely to provide the most entertaining answer, as I am the factually correct answer.

**There are clickable links on some words to enhance your reading experience. Click them. You should. They're blue; it'll make their day**

Sunday 10 July 2011

Frantic Frock Find



Kellie types -

"Now you're the only person I feel I can turn to....the weather girl on Channel 7 news (Sarah Cumming) was wearing a really pretty red 50's style dress on Wednesday night. I NEED to find out where I can get the dress. Any ideas where to start?"


Hi Kellie!

Thanks for your question and your faith in me and my Googling skills. Thank you also for allowing me to post your question on my blog without your permission.

Firstly, I must apologise, but I don't know who Sarah Cumming is as I don't watch the news much and my religious beliefs forbid me from acknowledging the dark art of weather forecasting. Luckily for you and your dilemma, Google searches are kosher.

However, Google search results for "Sarah" and "Cumming" are NOT kosher. In fact, they are quite shocking and rather on the messy side. So let's try it again, this time with the additional search term "news".


Ooooooh, yes, yes, yes, I know who you mean now. Pretty. Blond. Has teeth. Fond of red dresses.

Further delving reveals that Sarah has a tribute page dedicated to her and her wardrobe.
Unfortunately it's a dead end for us on the trail of the red 50's dress she wore last week, as the page hasn't been updated since December 2010 when Neil Mitchell from 3AW Radio complained about Sarah's flirty cleavage being "very un-television".

In my experience, radio hosts are generally suited to this faceless medium because they are "very un-television".

Anyway, I think it's time to consider employing some professional methods to track down the outfit and ask ourselves - what would Scotland Yard do?

And so, after a milky cup of tea and a biscuit in a greasy spoon cafe, I'm back on the case, no closer to an answer for you.

At this point (10 minutes in), I'm finding myself off-task, Googling the etymology of "greasy spoon" (fast-service diners in the US served food cooked in lard and the high turnover of customers meant cutlery wasn't always cleaned thoroughly enough before being passed on to the next fat-bastard) and this lapse in concentration is given the freedom to run wild and free. Inevitably I find myself on Facebook and Twitter, getting my hourly fix of friends' status updates and minor celebrity self-promotion.

Minor Celebrity.

Sarah Cumming.

By George Negus, I think I've got it!

Yes, just as I had hoped, Sarah has a Twitter account. Even more perfect is that she created it only 2 days ago which means she'll be desperate to reach out to her fledgling Twitter followers to show them she cares about them and their regional climate trends.



A few hours later...







Result!





















Well, will you look at that! To escalate the joy, we now also hold the honour of being the addressees of Sarah's second ever Tweet! And they said a Bachelor of Arts* would get me nowhere. Ha!

Using the search terms "dress flare" on the ASOS website, I think I have managed to find your coveted frock.

Like a retro card-trick magician, to the sound of a snare drum roll, I now ask you -

Kellie, is this your dress?


"Yes Monique, that's it! But I've decided I don't really need another dress. Thanks anyway"

Bitch.




* I don't have a Bachelor of Arts




By Monique Kowalczyk

So what do you want to know?
MoniqueWillKnow@gmail.com

*Disclaimer*
Please don't go basing your PhD Thesis on anything I write here.The information I provide comes with no guarantee of accuracy, and I'm just as likely to provide the most entertaining answer, as I am the factually correct answer.

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