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MoniqueWillKnow@gmail.com


*Disclaimer*

Please don't go basing your PhD Thesis on anything I write here.
The information I provide comes with no guarantee of accuracy, and I'm just as likely to provide the most entertaining answer, as I am the factually correct answer.

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Sunday 22 August 2010

Too much pepper.

Louise asks:
We know too much salt is bad for you, but what about pepper? Are there health risks from having too much pepper?

In short, no.

In long, it has benefits, such as aiding digestion by stimulating taste buds which in turn encourage the stomach to produce more hydrochloric acid which is necessary for the digestion of protein. It is also diaphoretic (makes sweat) and diuretic (makes wee).

It was also used as currency in Ancient Greece. If you thought 5c coins were annoying, imagine peppercorns in your Oroton purse.

Interesting fact: pepper is also a carminative, meaning it helps stop you farting. I rekon that's rubbish. My Gran snowed everything with white pepper and she trumpeted like James Morrison until she died.

By Monique Kowalczyk

So what do you want to know?
MoniqueWillKnow@gmail.com

*Disclaimer*
Please don't go basing your PhD Thesis on anything I write here.
The information I provide comes with no guarantee of accuracy, and I'm just as likely to provide the most entertaining answer, as I am the factually correct answer.

Celebrity baby naming. Why?

Charlene asks:

Monique, I want to know... why would Natalie Bassingthwaite name her defenseless baby girl Harper Rain Sinclair McGlinchey? Harper is a book publisher, rain is a type of weather, Sinclair is a surname, but who's, is it short for Bassingthwaite? and McGlinchey, OK, I get that, it's her Daddy's surname. Can you explain celebrity naming in general?


Well, Charlene, you've unwittingly fallen into the trap set by Miss Bassingthwaighte, that trap being the trail of names she sprinkled around like kindling, that you have now gathered up to create a fire of celebrity gossip. Or "spark" might be a more appropriate analogy for this forum. I need more followers to warrant a "fire".

Call me cynical, call me cyclical (Cyclical has 9-1 odds for the Bloom/Kerr baby name) but I do believe it is all in aid of that addictive drug called Publicity. Stealing from rapper Nelly, let me break it down for you.

Firstly, I shall steer clear of the first name, Harper, as I know a little girl called Harper and I can't be impartial enough to make bitchy comments. Not in public anyway.

Sources close to the star, but still adhering to the 100m court-ordered distance, tell me the choice of Rain could be attributed to the latest celebrity craze of Cosmic Ordering. By writing the name down on the birth certificate, Natalie has asked the cosmos to deliver her wish of rain for the drought addled outback of Australia. Alternatively, it could affirm her wish to rule Australian TV and improve her spelling.

Sinclair, must surely be a respectful nod to a dead grandparent or a humorous nod to the disastrous Sinclair C5 electric car of the 80s. I'd hazard a guess it's the first, but would LOVE for it to be the second.

These theories address the justification of the names chosen, but not the crucial "how could you?" element of celebrity baby naming. I have a further theory on that and it goes a little something like this.

For those profoundly famous people, your David Beckhams, Angelina Jolies and Madonnas, their fame is so great, its macrobiotic energy will continue through several generations. This means their children, grandchildren and possibly great-step-half-grandchildren will be famous for no other reason than for being their kin. With this fame, comes money. Usually lots of it too. Therefore, these inherited-fame kids will always be well known no matter what they do and most likely, they won't even need to "do" anything. So why worry about what other, lesser, mere-mortals think about the choice of name you give your adopted orphan? Annie is sooo 1980s, unless you change the spelling to Anii.

The problem with weird names for average folk, is having to deal with the double-takes, sniggers, probing questions and "Sorry, didn't quite catch that..." responses when introducing yourself to people. Not to mention having difficulty being taken seriously as a corporate solicitor or investment banker when you have to sign subpoenas or cheques with "Rhino Ferragamo Blackett-Wrench"

Uber-celebrity sprogs will never have this problem as their fame will always overshadow the weirdness of their moniker. No one will be sniggering at Romeo Beckham's name because they will be too busy trying to wrangle a signed copy of his mum's latest CD. Or maybe not.

This super-celebrity baby naming trend then trickles down to your standard celebrities, your high profiles, your b-lists, c-lists, z-lists, weathermen, 15 minutes of reality TV fame people and finally settling at the bottom of the barrel with your Channel 9 TV presenters. They delude themselves into thinking they too will be able to get away with naming their children after colours on the Dulux Matte Acrylic Paint wheel but sadly, they can't. Their fame is hardly big enough to cover their own inflated sense-of-self, let alone stretch to accommodate their spouse or children.

So poor Mahoganee Elastoplast Stefanovic M.D., will be forever fighting for respect in the medical world while her colleagues affectionately refer to her as "the hog" and her patients wonder if her father was a Davis Cup tennis player in the 90s.


By Monique Kowalczyk

So what do you want to know?
MoniqueWillKnow@gmail.com

*Disclaimer*
Please don't go basing your PhD Thesis on anything I write here.
The information I provide comes with no guarantee of accuracy, and I'm just as likely to provide the most entertaining answer, as I am the factually correct answer.